Haven't been online in a while and haven't posted anything. Well here goes.

life's been... all over the place but i'm keeping track and staying on top of things.
Squared away all the apartment dealies so my roommates wouldn't stress about it. And God Knows Jackee don't need to stress about anything :) Don't know what Cody's up to but he thanked me for dealing with it all he's always busy with work and baseball. So the apartment's all set just got to sign the lease on July 25 and move in dates August 1st. I'm planning on staying a week up in denton with jackee and then figure out what to do for the rest of the summer... hopefully that week Jackee and I will look around for jobs... Really hoping to land a job in a hotel...

Been just going to Work and School... Biology's gay... glad I have Jackee in it with me... but when i calculated my scores No matter if i get a B or an A on my next two tests I'll still end up with a C average in the class... how lame! grr to the max. And the Damn Professor has been picking on me since the FIRST day of Class! Using me as a bad example and pointing out how i'm yawning... well buddy you're voice is too monotoned for my taste so early in the damn morning. Rawr... lol

I feel kind of anti social lately... don't mean to but with work and school and a semi curfew I really don't feel like doing much... my guy friends are off still doing the same things, my girl friends are concentrating on getting life together... it's starting to become harder and harder to spend time with eachother...

What Ever Happened To Once A Month Get Togethers?????? lol I miss everyone I really do...

Last couple of Days I've been sleeping over at my sisters in Wylie and Driving from there to Richland Back to Wylie then to Work... All because my AC broke AGAIN... does it every summer. Lame? I think so.

So Fourth of July I'm heading up to Austin to Go Tubin with the Family :) Should be fun... but there's just this little dwarf man I cannot stand... Always trying to make me speak korean and putting me down cause I can't say shit right... saying i HAVE to marry a korean guy and WHY DONT YOU HAVE A BF, YOU NEED ONE. I DO NOT need one, sure it be nice to have that companionship but I'm MISS INDEPENDENT I can take care of myself, a BF is just there to help. Telling me to do this and that... pour my beer in the cup, you have to become a proper lady. Fuck You I'm As Proper As They Get! My Brother In Laws, ZACHARY and DANNY, doesn't like him much... neither does all my sisters. I just want to tell him, "Fuck off You're Not My Father Concentrate On Your Own Daugher!"... but because I'M PROPER I will not say it... i'll just give him the bird behind his back. muahahahaha ... Mission : Avoid The Smurf.  Sorry don't mean to sound bitchy but he really annoys me... who the hell does he think he is telling me things that only my father should say?

Anyways, biggest thing to worry about is not being able to smoke for 3 days... i'm gonna go crazy. especially the drives. oh gosh i'm gonna be a bitch. Mr. Smurf, watch out.

Had Two Nightmares in One Night... one was one of those paralized ones where i couldn't move but i was like half awake or something... i could see everything around me but couldn't move at all BUT i saw two huge arms and hands holding me down... the other one was about my mother dying... :( felt exhausted when i woke up... and i fell asleep in class. Don't mean to cause i want to do well but its just so hard sometimes...

That's it for now... toot-a-loo mother fuckAaAaaaAa (the hangover??? anyone?? lol)

Sorry Xangers haven't blogged in awhile i've been oober busy and having way too much fun to entertain yall about my crazy college life.

just kidding, me? crazy? never. lol But i have been busy. I try and have as much fun as I can before midnight hits... (maybe Prince Charming will come looking for me har har har) I actually haven't been following curfew on weekends though.
I am going to summer school with Jacqueline from 7:30-12... we both didn't have enough sleep or sleep at all so we were dozing off... but I'm glad I got one of my girls with me in class. Then go babysit or fool around for a couple hours and head to work from 3-7.

I'm a little worried about the apartment situation so I am making a note on here to call the place to see whats going on ... and I should check up on my financial aid too. Growing up sucks. I hate Money!

well time for:

Sandy Kay's Thought of the Day:

[i n s p i r e d b y a f r i e n d]

In my opinion, people just rushes through life and plans out the future way to early. And some people just can't help it, its how they are and its hard to change that. But I suggest you try and learn to slow down and stop questioning things and let things just be. Life is complicated enough and throws crap in your way thats beyond your control... but what you can control is how you take the crap. You can freak and start questioning everything to find answers to as fast as you can... but somethings you just have to wait it out and make the best of the situation. Optimists has seemed to have lost to pessimists in this Recession.
Once you take 2 steps back, breathe, and chill you'll find more answers and could solve the situation faster than when you rush it. L I F E is the journey to find the answers so don't rush it or you'll be bored when you're old and wrinkly thinking what the hell do i do now?

Life is given to be enjoyed, so enjoy the damn roses with all its thorny glory and embrace hardship.

booya. NIGHT!

Everyone wears a mask
Whether to be someone they want to be...
Whether to hide a secret
Whether because they're too scared to show the real them..
maybe they just don't like the person they are so they try and be someone else...                               

whatever the reason.. everyones wearing one. Me? I wear a mask that only allows people to see what I want them to see. I try and conceal my flaws, I like to please people... and generally tell them what they want to hear.  I don't let people see my dark side, but always the bright side.  I care what other thinks... but then again I don't. I care what I think others see me as… if that even makes sense. More importantly, I care how my family sees me as. I hate to disappoint.

Like i said... everyone wears a mask. Most wears theirs so much they get lost and lose who they once were and forgotten why they wore it in the first place.  But I guess thats what change means. Some become the mask they wore and puts on other. Change is not a bad thing… its how you go about that change that determines its status. It’s rare for that mask to come off in front of someone else and not just in the mirror... well depending on how well they trust.

It's hard for me to show my true self, I think. Friend wise, I can count on one hand that can honestly say they know me. It’s not that I'm a horrible person or anything like that. When you first meet me, first impression is usually who I am. The general Gist of me, anyway. I guess to show someone the 100% me is showing them my heart, my soul... and if I let someone see me without any armor, any shield, all guards are down to the point where I'm vulnerable with no where to hide… that person can break me to no repair.


Why did this subject come about in the first place? I'm not that sure... I guess its cause of all this babysitting that  allowed me to think more. I'm scared to be the full me and I sometimes don't even know who I am.  Still in that stage of figuring it out I guess.  I don't know how to please myself cause I'm scared of disappointing others.  I don't know if I can handle being disappointed in myself.  I don't know where I stand or who I should stand up with. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET GO.

So I guess this mask stays on till i figure it out.